“How would you describe yourself?” the hiring manager asked. 

With adjectives, my brian insisted while my mouth opened and answered, “In flattering detail, glossing over my flaws and generous vague nondescript commentary on observable features.” 

Then I stopped daydreaming and admitted that my answer to this question has always been, “Hardworking and a team player.” 

However, as of late, I haven’t felt like much of a team player. I’ve felt more like a reclusive goblin who wants nothing but to sit in my office and work on my own creations. I hit the point of the year where everything has suddenly stopped. I went from working more jobs than I could reasonably sustain, to just about nothing. The festival season is over. I’m finally fed up and leaving my job of 2.5 years, but my new job has yet to provide substantial hours. Four hours a week is not an income to buy groceries, much less pay bills and student loans. I do have the occasional trickle of an online order to fill, but that is also no income to live from. 

So I’m treading water, and looking for a new job, and lamenting the creative downfall that comes with full time employment. How will I ever commit to running a business when I do not have the time to create? Am I expected to live in constant burnout in order to achieve my dreams? Maybe this is just how things are supposed to be. 

I’ve always felt small, a side effect of being less than 5 feet tall, but it has been overwhelming lately when I look at the list of tasks I need to complete and how little return I seem to get from all that I do. I know this depressive episode will subside, and I will return to the vibrant little hobbit that I occasionally embody, but sometimes a bit of wallowing is good. How else would I convince myself that it’s okay to sit still for the day and vegetate in front of a videogame? 

Have I made you concerned? I must apologize for that. I promise, I’m smiling my delightfully imperfect smile now as I swear to you I’m not as depressed as I sound. Stressed and a little overworked? Always, but that is my natural state of chaos. And if you could bear with me for a while longer, I have every intention of achieving my dreams. 

Short and stout as I may be, I have lofty expectations for myself and the attributed stubbornness of a dwarf to ensure that I will do what I intend to…even if I don’t choose the most direct path to my goals…or if those goals change. 

How would I describe myself? Not as nicely as I should. I can give you a basic rundown of the traumas and achievements that have shaped me, and occasionally I could even describe my current moods. I’d recommend asking someone else if you are looking for a more accurate description.