It’s cold. This decrepit building is falling apart around me, so of course the furnace doesn’t work. I would like another blanket, but that would mean I would have to get up, out of the warmth of the blanket I’m already under, to go fetch another blanket. I could turn up the space heater, but that faces the same predicament, and I know that as I lay here my body heat will fill the space and I will become warmer…eventually. 

For all this yawning I’ve been doing you would think I would just fall asleep already, but I think I stayed up too late and now I’m feeling more awake by the moment. It’s annoying because I really need to sleep since I have to work tomorrow, and let’s be honest, I cannot afford to not work. I think I would hate it less if I was just scheduled consistently, or at least on the days I told them I’m available. I hate losing half of my hours each week because they always try to schedule me on the days I can’t work. I don’t think it’s malicious on behalf of my managers, but it happens so frequently I find it hard to believe that it’s any form of benign negligence at this point. I mean, it’s been several months since I started this job so it’s not as if my availability is any great mystery at this point. 

I need a new job, but I’ve gotten so much rejection lately. I’m not sure how much more I can handle right now. I’m already suffering through the rigors of seasonal depression and at least half a dozen failed interviews in the past month. Is it because my degree is actually worthless? Did I waste four years of my life and accrue tens of thousands in debt just to be looked on as a joke by employers? Is that what I’m stuck with? Do I need to go back to school and get a new degree…and with what money could I do that? 

I could at least look into it, but any time I spend doing that is time that I’m not working or the time that I’m not building my side business and finishing products and filling orders. Maybe wanting to have my own business was a mistake…clearly it hasn’t taken off. Probably because I can’t afford any actual marketing. I’m stuck in the loop. I can’t afford to pay for an ad because I’m not getting online traffic and not making sales, but I’m not getting traffic because I’m not paying for ad space. Well that and my phone is literally almost a decade old and that leaves my social media posts lacking, quite a bit, in quality.

I need to save up for a new phone, which means I need to work tomorrow. I really hope they don’t cut my hours, because the utilities are due next week and you’d think with what I pay each month they’d fix the damn furnace.